Saturday, May 25, 2013

Adoption Sucks

Adoption sucks.

I understand how that may sound strange coming from an adoptive Mom, but seriously, it really does suck.

What sucks about it?

The fact that there is even a need for it in the first place.
That our soon-to-be daughters lost their first family.
That there isn't a system in place in their birth country for them to be adopted by a family there.
That they will grow up over 6,000 miles from their closest blood relative.
That they live in poverty- real poverty.
That we've missed the first three years of their lives.
That one day our daughters will ask me questions that begin with "How..." and "Why..." and I will only be able to answer with "I don't know."

I used to think adoption sucked for two reasons:

It costs so much.
It takes so long.

Why does it cost so much?

We pay for the orphanage to provide for our children while they are there.
We pay to have a social worker tell the US government that we are fit parents.
We pay to prove to the US government that we can afford to become a family of five.
We pay for people to gather, translate, and file paperwork for us.
We pay for lawyers to fight our case in court.
We pay for doctors to make sure our kids are healthy.
We pay for people to investigate and validate that what we are being told is the truth.
We pay to travel across the ocean to be united with them.

Why does it take so long?

It takes so long because there is a lot of paperwork to gather.
It takes so long because there is a lot of money to raise.
It takes so long because there are language and cultural barriers.
It takes so long because there are many government agencies involved.
It takes so long because it needs to be done ethically.
It takes so long so our kids can mentally and emotionally prepare to be plucked from everything familiar. 
It takes so long for love, trust, and comfort to grow.

The fact is that adoption is messy.  There is nothing simple about it. An adoption journey begins with a great tragedy. Parents die, can't provide, have addictions, are abusive, made bad choices; and that tragedy propels the children in a different direction than intended.  Children are supposed to stay with their birth families, to think anything less is naive.  

If Adam and I were to pass away and Reagan were adopted by another family would it be okay for her new parents to say "It's like God planned Reagan for our family all along!"   


The fact that ANY child needs a new family breaks Gods heart. That is not what he intended. 

We can rest in the fact that we know that adoption is close to God's heart.  After all, God WILLINGLY gave up his own son to be adopted by an earthly father over 2,000 years ago so that we may be adopted into Gods family!  How crazy is that?! What an awesome God that he would love us so much that he would pay anything and wait as long as it takes to adopt us as his own.  

I can say with certainty that God makes all things work for our good; and more importantly-for HIS GLORY.  

Anything I can do to emulate God- is good. 
Anything I can do that gets me out of my comfort zone- is good. 
Completing something that there is no way I can complete on my own with out God's intervention- is good. Learning to fully rely on God to meet our need- is good. 
Letting go of control- is good.

I'm not going to lie.  Adoption is hard. The cost is high and the wait is long.

But, do you know what's harder?

Living years without a mother or father is hard.
Sleeping on a concrete floor is hard.
Eating one meal a day is hard.
Living in a two room building with 30 other people is hard.
Watching friends die from a bug bite is hard.
Being an orphan is hard. 

That's what really sucks.  

1 comment:

  1. Yes, adoption is messy and is full of reminders of the grieving process for all involved.